Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal > > and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. > > Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend and said, > > "Watson, > > look up and tell me what you see." > > > > Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." > > > > Holmes: "What does that tell you?" > > > > Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there > > are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. > > Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I > deduce > > that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I > > can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and > insignificant. > > Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. > > What does it tell you?" > > > > Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. > > > > "Watson, you moron. Someone has stolen our f***ing tent."

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom: > > "You know what?," says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we > start swearing. We are getting old enough to do that!" The 4 year old > nods > his head in approval. > > "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell', and you say > 'ass', ok?" > > "Ok." the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Downstairs they go. > > The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he > wants for breakfast. "Aw, hell mom, I guess Ill have some Cheerios." > > WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, > got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year > old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, > young man?!" "I don't know," he blubbers, "...but you can bet your ass > it won't be Cheerios!"